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Comfort Theory & Peaceful Death
By Kathy Kolcaba RN, MSN, PhD, TheComfortLine.com
Response to the New York Magazine article, A Life Worth
Ending
"I have very
strong feelings about a peaceful death - and before I get as bad as this poor
mom in the article you linked me to, I have decided to just stop eating and
drinking ANYTHING once I receive a terminal prognosis and feel my capacities
deteriorate at a rapid pace. I will gather my family about me, and try to make
them understand that I highly value escaping a long, no-exit, agonizing
death. I want to spare them watching me helplessly and wasting scads of money. I have experienced, through relatives of mine and my friends,
this kind of death.
I want loved ones to remember me as a vital force, not as a helpless and dependent shadow of myself. There is a solution. It occurs when one decides to stop eating and drinking. It takes two weeks to die this way, no one has to assist, and hospice will help (if there is a terminal disease with advancing symptoms). This is my exit strategy, my legacy, - to die as I lived, making my own decisions with love and peace while I still am able.
I want loved ones to remember me as a vital force, not as a helpless and dependent shadow of myself. There is a solution. It occurs when one decides to stop eating and drinking. It takes two weeks to die this way, no one has to assist, and hospice will help (if there is a terminal disease with advancing symptoms). This is my exit strategy, my legacy, - to die as I lived, making my own decisions with love and peace while I still am able.
My mother is 91 and I am her
"care manager." I worked professionally in this capacity for about 10
years, and we always strove for some kind of peaceful death in our clients
(most of whom were in their 90's). Thus, I pray my mother dies "suddenly,"
in her home, in her easy chair, or while sleeping.
She, however, does not seem at all ready to do this - as she investigates every new sensation in her body with a doctor visit (she arranges her own transportation with her vast repertoire of helpers). She is extremely frail physically, extremely sharp mentally (occasionally sharp-tongued too). She can barely walk, although she manages pretty well in her own home with minimal assistance in the mornings. She is quite hard of hearing, and nearly blind.
And yet, she now states that her advance directives, which I had her fill out about 15 years ago, are only if she is "terminal." So there you are.
She, however, does not seem at all ready to do this - as she investigates every new sensation in her body with a doctor visit (she arranges her own transportation with her vast repertoire of helpers). She is extremely frail physically, extremely sharp mentally (occasionally sharp-tongued too). She can barely walk, although she manages pretty well in her own home with minimal assistance in the mornings. She is quite hard of hearing, and nearly blind.
And yet, she now states that her advance directives, which I had her fill out about 15 years ago, are only if she is "terminal." So there you are.
Perhaps my generation will wise up
a bit to how we really want to die and to prepare our families to honor and
respect our wishes. It helps that I am a nurse. It helps that I am a former
care manager.
Most of all, it helps that I have been thinking about the comfort of my family and myself for a long time. And for me, comfort is planning for my own peaceful death one way or another."
Most of all, it helps that I have been thinking about the comfort of my family and myself for a long time. And for me, comfort is planning for my own peaceful death one way or another."
- Kathy Kolcaba, Comfort Theory
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Copyright 2012 Katharine Kolcaba, RN, MSN, PhD. Creative Commons 3.0 Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works. The Comfort Line, Chagrin Falls, Ohio 44022. E-mail: kathykolcaba@yahoo.com Phone: 440-655-2098 Web: http://thecomfortline.com/
-Betsey Merkel, Comfort Is Strength Communications
-Betsey Merkel, Comfort Is Strength Communications
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